The Decision vs. No Plan

I am trying to come to terms with what the next 24 hours means for me. A really good friend told me to blog about it (she knows that I like to work through every little detail if possible). So here goes nothing....

Last year I had no idea where my life was headed. As a Junior in the Social Work Program at Chico State, all I  planned to do was graduate and get a job in Child Welfare. I applied to receive the Title IV-E Stipend, (click link if you want more info) with hopes to get it. I did not want to be apart of this program for the stipend, but for the assistance in getting an internship in Child Welfare, and the connections that I can make in the community. I, along with a couple other amazing people, received this stipend, and before I knew it, I had an internship at Butte County Children's Services Division (AKA CPS). There were two conditions that came with the stipend:

1. I had to do a 2-year pay back (don't have to pay money back, just have to work in child welfare for 2 years).
2. I could not apply to Grad School

Since the signing of the contracts those two conditions have changed. The two year pay back changed to one year. And the Grad school idea is still in question. We were encouraged to apply, but we have yet to hear if the Title IV-E program will let us go, pending grad school acceptance.

Here is my issue:

Tomorrow (supposedly), we find out who got accepted to the 1 year program for the Social Work Master's program. I personally will not be heart broken if I do not get accepted. I did not originally plan on getting my masters. The hard part is, if I do get accepted will Title IV-E allow me to hold off on my year pay back, and go strait into the graduate program. That's one issue.

The other subject weighing heaving on my mind is: I recently applied for a position at Butte County Children's Services Division. I was called in to take a test, in which the score that I receive on this test will put me in a group. Depending on what group I get in (my test score), I may or may not be offered an interview. The test is making me nervous. Then there is the thought, what if I get accepted to Grad school, and get offered the job. I have to turn one down. So I think, okay, i will turn down the job, as it is not a normal thing to get accepted to Grad School. Then, the thought, I get accepted to Grad school, turn down the job, then Title IV-E declines my request to go to grad school.  Then I basically lost every thing LOL.

The last thought, What if I get neither. It's back to the job search (more heavy job search).

I struggle because this is the one time in my life that I did not have something planned ahead of time. If you were to ask me what I was going to do in the future, I would say I don't know....BUT within 24 hours, I will be able to tell you if I have been accepted to The Master's in Social Work Program.

EEEK!